Over the years I’ve participated in several closed door meetings, one-to-one meetings and a couple of family meetings. Sadly, many of those meetings ended in unpleasant shouting matches, with people either being intimidated or abandoning the meeting abruptly, in disgust. I’ve also noted the dreadful consequences of miscommunication. This is such a serious issue that it can lead to one’s unpopularity in an organization and eventually one’s downfall. I dare say, miscommunication can also lead to commercial losses and to companies going bankrupt. To find out what good communication is all about, I read articles online, referred to a few management books then reconstructed what went on in those meetings and inferred why some failed. Here’s a culmination of my research and thoughts.
What is Communication?
Communication is a free exchange of ideas and thoughts between two people. It’s usually about two people having an interactive conversation. Communication is usually one-to-one but it can also be one-to-many (as in someone addressing an audience).
For good and purposeful communication…
Common medium for communication
Parties engaged in the communication must understand each other clearly. They should communicate in a language understood by all, and it is usually the English language, which is regarded as the universal language for business communications. That’s one reason for thanking the British colonist who sailed around the world and set up colonies in different countries, India included. Engage the services of a professional interpreter if some parties don’t know English.
Speak using direct and clear sentences
Leave little room for assumption or ambiguity. The context of speech must be clearly understood. Phrases can have double-meanings and can be interpreted differently by different people. Heard about Chinese Whispers?
Leave emotions by the door
An over-emotional person does not communicate. Angry people do not communicate. S/he vents her/his insecurity or frustration. You can’t communicate with an unruly or arrogant person. Either count to ten and wait for that person to settle down or walk away. Of course, if someone breaks down and cries, you could offer words of comfort or a shoulder to cry on.
Communicating and Talking are different
When we talk mindlessly (blabbering) we just convey our thoughts, our feelings. So talking tends to be more emotional, more opinionated. It tends to become irrelevant after some time. Talking is about feelings and expectations not about facts and relevant information.
When we communicate we focus on the idea on hand. We choose our words and facts carefully to drive home the point.
A few tips for good and beneficial communication
1. Keep emotions at bay.
Don’t react if the other person gets emotional. Wait for him/her to stabilize and come back to listening mode—then communicate. Don’t react in an emotional or egotistical manner.
2. It’s OK to NOT have all the answers.
If you don’t know, don’t pretend to know. Sometimes it’s OK to NOT know.
You could say something like:
“I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I have all the answers and facts.”
“I need to verify a few facts and I’ll give you an answer very soon.”
3. Respond by showing concern, expressing facts.
Don’t express feelings by saying something like, “Hey! I’m only doing my job.” Instead, say something like:
“I understand the way you feel or the situation you are in. Here’s what I would do if I were in your place.”
“We experienced something like this in the past and these were the alternatives…here’s what we did…”
4. Be a good listener.
People want to be heard, not to be told incessantly. Show that you are listening by repeating what the other person just said, by paraphrasing or summarizing.
You could say things like:
“If I understood you correctly you are saying that…. and we need to do this…” “I am interested in knowing a little bit more about your concern or belief.”
And listen carefully! We cling strongly to personal beliefs, prejudices and assumptions which act as personal filters. So we hear and register only what we want to. Keep an attentive ear and an open, accepting mind.
5. Start with common ground.
There should be some common ground on which both parties are agreeable to. Start the conversation by discussing common beliefs. Avoid discussing irreconcilable differences at the outset.
6. Keep it positive.
Avoid negativity even in a negative situation. My former company MD excelled at this. Speak about the other person’s achievements and qualities. Speak about the pros of the situation.
You could say something like:
“Perhaps it happened for the best.”
“If this incident did not happen we would never have got down to solving the problem.”
7. Ask questions.
Ask good, intelligent questions that provoke others to think. Questions that can make a difference and help evoke answers to solve the problem. Clear your mind of distractions and do focus.
8. Be courteous and apologetic
Acknowledge, thank, appreciate, apologize. And be genuine about it.
You could say things like:
“I apologize for disturbing you at this hour, but I think you will find this important just as I do, and it’s best that you know about it immediately.”
“I appreciate your coming on short notice.”
“I find your research useful. This is a great effort on your part.”
Posted by Brian Pereira 